And if there's one thing that basketball needs more of, it's intergenerational, quasi-Oedipal strife. I propose a game of the under-forties taking on the over-forties. Chippy youth and speed v. experienced wiliness and gravitas! Potential matchups:
Point guard
Su Fang Ng v. John Rogers
Rogers probably flows on the court as smoothly as William Harvey's circulatory system (sorry, I tried), but I bet Ng taught Blake Griffin at OU.
Advantage: Ng
Shooting guard
Anthony Welch v. Annabel Patterson
Welch is guaranteed to be a scrappy contender, but Patterson could make anybody miss a basket with the mere force of stern disapproval. And if that doesn't work, an elbow to the ribs.
Advantage: Patterson
Small forward
Tom Fulton v. Stephen Fallon
I'm guessing Fulton has a silky-smooth mid-range jump shot. But on the court, Fallon is free to reveal the bilious spleen that lies under those piercing eyes and heart of gold.
Advantage: Fallon
Power forward
Daniel Shore v. Tom Corns
Shore already has a Hanford award under his belt. Corns could crash the boards, but do they even play basketball in Bangor?
Advantage: Shore
Center
Feisal Mohamed v. Paul Stevens
The paint will be dominated by the Canadian towers. Stevens brings his military training to the court, but I'll put my money on Mohamed's baby hook. He's also the Miltonist most likely to be able to dunk. (If we play with a nine-foot rim.)
Advantage: Mohamed
Coach
Jeffrey Shoulson v. Jason Rosenblatt
Oh no, I didn't! But c'mon--compared to amassing an encyclopedic knowledge of the Talmud and Midrash, drawing up some basketball play's gotta be a breeze. But Rosenblatt gains the edge with his administrative experience as department chair.
Advantage: Rosenblatt
Final prediction: the kids win by 6.
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4 comments:
Snort.I don't think you could play the same game with Shakespeareans. The old boys would all get distracted by their own social glitter and wander off the court to preen and make bad jokes and creep out grad students. And then there'd be the handful of more or less McGonagallesque senior ladies standing aloof and looking stern, waiting less and less patiently for something intelligent to happen. Sigh.
You're my hero, M.
I don't have anything intelligent to say. I just adore this post. And LOATHE the freaking Lakers. (But not as much as I despite Phil Jackson.) I don't know if they count as gravitas, but I'll take the Nugs' refreshing ball any day.
M: How 'bout a Miltonists v. Shakespeareans game? I'm putting my money on the Miltonists if only because the thought of Gary Taylor on a basketball court makes me laugh and weep at the same time.
F & RG: Well, I suppose putting my career in jeopardy is worth such approbation.
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